I was listening to titled song by Marilyn Manson earlier and thinking about whether there was meant to be a hidden meaning to it or if it is just a congealed set of clichés to make a stylized song.

I had an argument with Lexy about this some time ago and she said that the line: “the boy that you loved is the man that you fear” was preposterous, understandably that from a females perception, one would identify it with the second person (being male); whilst a male would identifies it within the first person, then extend it philosophically to the whole race. Personally I can very closely relate to this line and makes me pull fists and hit things then i want to die after realizing the monster that I/we have become. Peripetia and all that…

I keep trying to get this point across and this is another perfect example of what I’m trying to say and probably by trying to say it I completely destroy the point of it. As children things were better for us, we remember our childhoods as happy and fun (despite the hiccups we had on the way), things were better! The reason for this and this is why I keep going on about regression, is that, as children we had less troubles on our minds, less education less formalities, less responsibilities with priorities that carry heavy consequences. From childhood to adulthood we do a whole load of head cramming of useless and damaging information that leave us come adulthood in several categories; complacent, repressive or just in denial. I’m sure there are more but I can’t think of them right now.

Which brings me round to the point that: Things were so much better before the industrial revolution! I guess the industrial revolution could be considered the first age of Satanism. I’m jumping this step because before the industrial revolution we were more child-minded/innocent, less educated.

We question too much (nowadays) and disrespect previous practices that worked. I bet our civilization will collapse in the next century or so, given the fuel depletion and the failed social system running the super-powered countries, people should limit their group sizes. Villages were their sizes that worked best given their requirements and their productivity. We currently live owing too much.

Another thing this song makes me go into is the following: “when all your wishes are granted many of your dreams will be destroyed” which loops back to reiterate the same point I was making. We have everything we ever could dream for but at the cost of the meaning of that which we have. E.g. Perfection in manufacturing products that have no craftmanship; perfection was the aspiration of the craftman, yet he never foresaw his own demise in achieving it.

So I’ve heard about these earthquakes in Thialand or something not sure, don’t care either.

Thing that makes me laugh about this is, is how people get all frantic about “there was means to predict the event” and so on and yet, nobody said anything. What this tells me, not sure if it does you; is that, maybe there was a prediction and that prediction’s magnitude was so horrifying that making it public knowledge would probably cause more deaths than if the whole thing came as a surprise.

Just imagine everyone trying to escape the coasts and fighting in the streets for their own lives and possessions, people do not function well in a panic especially a blind one.

Conclusion: all this technology is a waste of time! What is the point in predicting your own fate, you’re only going to try and escape it and fail. Let it come as a surprise and enjoy the highs and the lows.

P.S. Wonder if anyone was surfing at the time…..”wipe out!” (excuse the pun)

Don’t get me wrong when I say this film was boring. Actually, do! It was enjoyable although I came away from it wondering what I’d just watched. What happened? Why it happened? etc.

This film was set in the 17^th century which makes it naturally great (of course!). As you all know, I love all things old and romantic. There was this tiny, little, mini, micro….. massive “BUT” in it, and that was: Scarlett Johansson cannot act. If you wanted a catatonic person to stare blindly into a point and sigh occasionally I’m sure they could of done such a thing on a smaller budget.

My sister and I have been wondering how many words she said throughout the whole film, I bet if you consider how much she got paid per word she would be the highest paid actress in Hollywood.

The film was good. I liked it, but I wouldn’t blame you if you came away bored. This film could have been made into a TV short in 40 minutes and would probably have been better.

I’ve fondly grown a distinct hatred (contradiction intended) for WordPress (the blog script I am using). It is utterly crap. I am using it following the famous philosophy “to not re-invent the wheel”, but the fact is, this wheel is more of a square than a circle and thus, I shall be starting my “blog v0id”, shortly.

Those of you interested, I’m considering making it mostly static but I’m also considering using the xml+xslt->html combo although, what is really entertaining at present is the idea of keeping the dynamics to an overall low, since the content after written generally stays put and there is no point in dragging it in and out of the database everytime someone wishes to pass the page over, the positive upshot of doing this would render faster page loading times, less server load and also the idea of transportability from server… meaning you can almost have the blog on any type of machine running… granted you’d have to remake the dynamic bit of the blog (which should be little), but the rest stays in tact and easily transportable.

I think the idea of returning to static is sort of a cliche of my recent ideals of regression. We generally run past that which is good, oblivious to it until it is too late, and being stubborn we try and find some other place that will out do it. I’m trying to abandon progression, without shutting it out, I just don’t want to spoil a good thing with too much “progress”.

Anyhow, someone other than Galit (although, Galit can have a go should she want to); suggest better names than “blog v0id”. How about “a-bl0g” hehehe… go on… comment you brilliant ideas and you’ll be credited for it, should it be used.

Through out my life I’ve always had trouble with the notion of “fitting in”; it occurred to me that I’m not a fitting in type of person, more of a fitting around type person. What I’m trying to say is and have tried rewording it several times is….

I wonder if I leave this bit blank I’ll come back and finish it when I think of a good enough way of defining what I’m trying to say. I have written several versions all of which loose track of the objectives.

…for now; lets just think that a fitting-in person makes a situation and a fitting-around person deals with the situation. Although, that is not the true point I’m trying to make.

blaahhh…. how do you squeeze your toothpaste? at the middle or at the end?

I concluded after today’s bath; UFOs, aliens and life on other planets, galaxies and universes must exist!!!

This conclusion is based on the theory that; somewhere on this planet is the ideal partner for you, and somewhere else one for me… and over there one for her… and right over there one for him… and so on.

Since the chances of this being true are so utterly remote and so horrifyingly unlikely, you have to compare it to aliens and space craft with lazers… ’cause you’re life is going to be damn lonely and meaningless without meeting that “one” person. Chances are you wont meet them anyhow, even if the aliens exist.

I’m not bitter or anything.

…was I the only conceited peon on this planet who had a vision of that dream partner?

..find yourself brushing your teeth on your way to bed, getting distracted by someone (in my case it was my sister); stuck in conversation for 30 minutes, then find yourself having a cup of tea and cakes before the other person is telling you they’re going to bed?

I just did and I’m kicking myself for my stupidity.

Goodnight

9 hours of suffering my neighbours’ party (it being now 1:15am); I’ve spared myself the courtesy of going out for a couple of walks to escape the ruckus. On the last walk something occurred to me on a completely different line of thought and that is what I’m about to share with you.

I’ve titled the post “Escaping Eden” because it quite clearly is that. Those of you, who like me find yourselves lost in this vast void of confusion and emptiness; question the purpose of celebrating a fictional birth of a religious icon or why it is so important to get inebriated at such events like the change of a digit on the calendar which only marks the passing of time. We also find ourselves questioning the purpose of religion and tradition.

While the traditions and religious events may seem utterly pointless and furthermore totally irrational beyond all credulity. It strikes me odd how those who do participate in such things do not have the worries and concerns that we on the outside have. Concluding from this, I clearly see that such events and such irrationality break up the emptiness that there would be, if there was nothing to celebrate or to digress from the everyday monotony of life.

Alas, while it is all fair and fine to admit to this; to step back and finding faith in God, or going out to get smashed at a new years eve do, just is not what I have in mind. I will not let myself subscribe to such generic events. Instead, I propose a more inventive idea to break up the monotony, once in a while take a day off from your loops and cycles, take a day off from work and catch a train to the coast or maybe even, turn your bed around so you’re sleeping the “wrong” way round. Our minds are in need of change; do not starve it of this!

I would not of had this thought if I had not of gone for that walk which was induced by the selfishness of others. While the selfishness is unforgivable, an off-shot from it was this post and I’m rather happy with that.

I should point out; “Escaping Eden” is the act of trying to break away from tradition and religion, yet tradition and religion is probably where we’re best off!

Based on yesterday’s post on fear & bravery, I’ve been thinking about where did the old me go? The me who used to have terribly interesting conversations with people which somewhat disturbed and insulted them, but yet at the same time made them feel more alive and like they weren’t alone, this was because there was someone who could see straight through them and tell them it exactly what was inside them.

I just can’t seem to let those truths out anymore. I find that diplomacy has killed that side of me. Granted I have lost a lot of my argumentative streak and I’m far more peaceful as a person, even my sister has noticed it. Yet in a way I miss making people feel alive, I miss touching people.

I feel what I’ve done in attempting to change for the better has ruined the quality of life that I enjoyed. This is a somewhat ego inflated post, which is precisely what this is about. By abandoning my ego I’ve allowed myself to step down from an argument, to allow someone to say their point fairly and just. When I did use my ego beforehand, I’d only allow what I had to be said go; claiming that I knew was best. Not to sound overly self-confident; but to a certain extent, I was right and I’d be told it. People used to believe in me or hate me, either way it was more honest than what I have now. I feel like a sell out, I settle for anything going my way instead of stating my direction and let anything in my way come or go. I feel like I have changed a lot in the past few years. To be fair, a lot of it has been good, I returned to education, I do not argue with my family at all and i have more credibility by those around me… but I feel as though I’m dead, my past relationship was the relationship of diplomacy everything was about compromising for each other and all I seemed to ever do was settle for something that wasn’t to my liking. I can only blame myself for it.

I’ll stop whining now.

Oh by the way, happy New Year if you care about calendars.

It has been bothering me again that idea of “fear being the result of an awareness of negative consequence”. I can only say that you’d have to be mindless to be fearless.

Therefore bravery is merely ignoring consequence which in turn can be regarded as stupidity.

What is bothering me is the actual idea that as you get older the effect of your actions bares a heavier load on your consequence, for example:

A middle aged man with a wife and children. He somewhat is trapped by consquence, he knows that should he decide to not go to work one day (once too often), he stands a higher chance of loosing his job. Therefore, he would be unable to support his wife and her womanly whims and his too spoilt kids who want the latest trend accessories.

(the above example was deliberately designed to enrage feminists and all females who stand against their rights)

Is it a bad thing to be trapped?
Why do we fight it so much?

I find myself forever in fear of my actions and the implications of them, there is so much I want to do and say, but know that the outcome, could (and would) put my way of existing out of sync with its current way.

The thing is, is it fear of this consequence that stops me doing what I crave, or is there something else stopping me from doing these things? Courtesy to those whom it may concern? Inability to deal with change? Lack of motivation?

No bath required for that thought either, just another lonely day.